He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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