Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
