wanna go halves on a baby?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
