Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
