You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
