also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
