I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
