I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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