carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
