i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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