If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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