I look better un-naked...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
