i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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