Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
