What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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