Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
