I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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