But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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