I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
