sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
