a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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