So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
