yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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