i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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