apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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