i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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