There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
