It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
