I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
