Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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