Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
