YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize