Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
