Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
