how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
