Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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