That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
