exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
