shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
