Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
