I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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