I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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