...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
