I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
