I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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