i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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