uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
