it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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