I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
