I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
