After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
