If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize