there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
