That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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