what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm passing your future prison.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
