arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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