Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
