better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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