Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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