the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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