If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize