so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
