What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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