Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
