come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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