i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
