I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
