So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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