My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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