im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Acid is not a monday night drug
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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